From HUMP Issue 4 – Twist

Woos the ladies and repulses the vegans: a winning combination.

Method:

1. Make the filling. Any kind of minced meat will do, although pork’s the classic. Prawns are good too. Add chives, spring onions, minced ginger, garlic, salty pep, and anything else you find that seems vaguely Chinese. Experiment, for christ’s sake.
2. Let it sit in the fridge for about the length of time it takes your bunkmate to loudly watch two episodes of Rick and Morty on their phone.
3. Mix up some flour and water with a bit of salt until you get a kind of dryish dough. Knead it for about the length of time between when that guy starts to tune his guitar and everyone clears out of the common room – about five minutes. Then give it a rest for a bit, unlike that guy with the guitar.
4. Flatten out bits of dough into dumpling-sized discs. Put the mix in, obviously. Fold it over and try to do the fancy rippled edge before giving up in disgust.
5. Chuck ’em in what was once a non-stick pan before these goddamn animals got to it, with a bit of oil and like a centimetre of water. Let the water boil off and steam the dumplings, then fry the bottoms for a bit.
6. Serve with soy, chilli sauce, and just a hint of smugness.