As seen in The Dictionary of Failed Ideas Issue 4: D is for Dumpers

Forget battery farms and milkbars going out of business: the saddest sight in the world is watching someone struggle with a sentient umbrella. Beach umbrellas even more so. It’s nuttier than a frathouse hot tub that something built for the express purpose of relaxation can be such an unmanageable prima donna under anything but laboratory-perfect conditions. Our solution, inspired by the opening of a wine and further encouraged by its contents, is simple: put a corkscrew on the end of the damned thing. No more pathetic digging in the sand, no more tense, one-eye-open naps on the towel, no more sprinting down the beach in hot pursuit, spraying apologies to the sunburnt and pissed off. I this really a failed idea? Well we haven’t done a single actionable thing about turning it into mega bucks, so it seems so.