I want to order some of your excellent goods

Not really a question, but okay. Just email me with what you want and we’ll sort it out. All of the “buy” buttons in the individual product pages will lead to my email address, which is atlas.humped@gmail.com.

How pay

Now you’re verging on rudeness. Anyway, we’ll sort it out somehow. Paypal, bank transfer, through Etsy, a lopsided trade, whatever makes you comfortable baby. I’m not fussed.

Why’d you have to go and make things so complicated

Well, I travel a lot, and don’t always have immediate access to the goodies to send out. It could be a week or a month before I can send (and sometimes make) the thing to you, so I don’t want to have an automated store front because that would be making all sorts of promises I can’t keep. What I can promise, however, is that at least half of these goodies are totally worth the wait (I’m not telling you which half though).

Help I am in love with you

The most important thing is to tell me immediately so that my monstrous ego may be fed, and lie bloated and content for another day. Also, since you are astonishingly beautiful, I will no doubt reciprocate.